sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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