K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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