My first STD was from a foam party
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
