is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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