You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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