i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
