Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize