She is in my trunk
wanna go halves on a baby?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
