I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
