I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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