You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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