If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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