I wish life had little blips of pornography
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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