Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
