Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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