Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
