I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
