trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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