that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
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