She's like a pop up book from hell.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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