at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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