Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
