Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
