Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Less talking, more tequila
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
