Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
