is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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