So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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