Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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