my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
