pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
