Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
