I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
These tits shall not be calmed
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
