You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
