I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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