I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
