Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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