i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
