this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
50% drunk capacity currently
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
