She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
