Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
