I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
