he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
