i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
