Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
