Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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