TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
