Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
