Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
