The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
handjob tips. give me some.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
