..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude i'm inner monologue high
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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