what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
