I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
