i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
