I am full of burrito and curiosity
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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