im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
