every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
