haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
