I can text with my tongue
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
