We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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