your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
