I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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