The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
