i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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