Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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