Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
