Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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