swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
