All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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