im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
