He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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