I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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