some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
