My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
