I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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