ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
