textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize