that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
