It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
