$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
