Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize