If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My legs feel like baby dolphins
When are your genitals available?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
