i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
