i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
