I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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