I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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