I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
