lets start a swedish sibling band together
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
