so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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