he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize