The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
