Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
