Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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