his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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