hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
