I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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