The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
