I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
