Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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