smell my finger.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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