I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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