it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
