I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
