I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
