fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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