just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
