Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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