Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
