Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
